The Modular Trash System

Conceptual Sound Machine; Performance

Discarded media devices, cables, wires, speakers, pins, paper clips, TVs, glass jar, found sounds (cassette tapes, CDs), picture frames, cardboard, toy keyboard, wood, metal, double bass strings, bow, bicycle lights, computer joystick, nail polish, superglue

The Modular Trash System sprung out of a very tough period in my life. In essence, at least from one side of it, it was a tool for me to get back into society. I was plagued with a very low self esteem and had isolated my self for a long time. I understood that I had to change my state and situation in order to stay alive. So half consciously, half spontaneously I started to build a musical instrument out of discarded objects. I felt I had no credibility as far as talent goes to attempt making something with the ambition to be art, but at the same time I reasoned with myself that stupid people should be allowed to create something too. The discarded objects that I started to collect was symbols of me and people like me, worthless sorry ones, old and useless, laughed upon, not seen, not considered. One of my dogmas was that the objects should not be altered, only brought together and by pure will be put to use and together turn into something else, something beautiful. I was trying to prove myself wrong. Then I started to perform with these objects, and it was scary as fuck. I was so afraid of people and even more so to be on stage. Online was a bit easier. I was afraid of peoples reactions, that they would laugh upon me. And of course some did, and of course I also expected this. My idea was that it was somewhat like a test for people around me. Who would mock me? And why? Why would my project be funny to someone? Sure you may find it crazy, or find me crazy, but really, why? So here it turned out to become a long term performance, a performance of just being me. I also reasoned, that if I could expose myself like this and expect people to mock me and still dare to go on, then I would be free to create from who I am, not trying to guess how I was supposed to be in order to be let in with the others. This was also the only way for my to be able to create art, for if I can not express myself exactly as I need and as I figure it right, then I can not do anything at all.